I’m not going to beat around the bush during this post… I find it frustrating when I hear other mothers putting each other down. It makes me angry. The one thing that really grates on me is competitive mothering. The type of mother who partakes in ‘competitive mothering’ APPEARS to be able to do everything with no help. She never looks flustered, her house is always tidy, she never forgets the kids’ bags and just looks at you vaguely when you express how tired you are. I used the words ‘appears to be able to’ because I don’t believe any woman can ‘do it all’ on her own. It’s the women that claim they can that hurt us all.
These women are damaging to first time mums, working mums, stay at home mums and society in general because they create unrealistic expectations. Women who don’t admit they have help create a standard that can’t be reached because it doesn’t exist. When another tired mum asks ‘how do you keep your house so tidy?’ It’s wrong to pretend you have perfect children who never make a mess, or that you are Mary Poppins and when you click your fingers everything jumps back into place, it’s right to admit you have a cleaner.
It’s the women that ‘buzz’ off making someone else feel bad that make me the most cross. The women that want you to think they are amazing at the expense of your own sanity! It’s the woman that when you tell her your child is:
A. not eating
B. having tantrums
C. wetting the bed
D. struggling at school
A. oh no my child has a great appetite
B. oh no little Jonny has never had a tantrum
C. we’ve never had a problem little Jonny was toilet trained from the age of 9 months – day and night
D. oh no what a shame it must be difficult to have a child that doesn’t like learning
Not only do these women believe their child is the cutest, the best, the most intelligent they also believe they are the most competent all-knowing of mothers.
Although do they? Is their competitiveness in their nature or is it to cover up a deeper insecurity? Do these women behave like this – sucking the last drops of life and confidence out of other more realistic, down to earth mothers – to make up for their own failings? Or are they just not very nice. I’m inclined not to be so sympathetic and believe the latter.
A while ago Kirstie Allsopp said in an interview:
‘How does any working woman manage? With a lot of help. I have a wonderful nanny in London and a housekeeper in Devon. Otherwise I couldn’t do what I do. What drives me mad – and I won’t name names – is when I read an interview with a high-profile career woman who claims to “do it all”. You read it all the time and you just know it isn’t true.’
The same goes for ordinary non high-profile career women! We may not have nannies or housekeepers but I’m sure a lot of us have trusted babysitters, helpful parents maybe even a cleaner! So don’t pretend to be something you’re not; If you do you’re damaging us all.