I’m not going to beat around the bush during this post… I find it frustrating when I hear other mothers putting each other down. It makes me angry. The one thing that really grates on me is competitive mothering. The type of mother who partakes in ‘competitive mothering’ APPEARS to be able to do everything with no help. She never looks flustered, her house is always tidy, she never forgets the kids’ bags and just looks at you vaguely when you express how tired you are. I used the words ‘appears to be able to’ because I don’t believe any woman can ‘do it all’ on her own. It’s the women that claim they can that hurt us all.
These women are damaging to first time mums, working mums, stay at home mums and society in general because they create unrealistic expectations. Women who don’t admit they have help create a standard that can’t be reached because it doesn’t exist. When another tired mum asks ‘how do you keep your house so tidy?’ It’s wrong to pretend you have perfect children who never make a mess, or that you are Mary Poppins and when you click your fingers everything jumps back into place, it’s right to admit you have a cleaner.
It’s the women that ‘buzz’ off making someone else feel bad that make me the most cross. The women that want you to think they are amazing at the expense of your own sanity! It’s the woman that when you tell her your child is:
A. not eating
B. having tantrums
C. wetting the bed
D. struggling at school
A. oh no my child has a great appetite
B. oh no little Jonny has never had a tantrum
C. we’ve never had a problem little Jonny was toilet trained from the age of 9 months – day and night
D. oh no what a shame it must be difficult to have a child that doesn’t like learning
Not only do these women believe their child is the cutest, the best, the most intelligent they also believe they are the most competent all-knowing of mothers.
Although do they? Is their competitiveness in their nature or is it to cover up a deeper insecurity? Do these women behave like this – sucking the last drops of life and confidence out of other more realistic, down to earth mothers – to make up for their own failings? Or are they just not very nice. I’m inclined not to be so sympathetic and believe the latter.
A while ago Kirstie Allsopp said in an interview:
‘How does any working woman manage? With a lot of help. I have a wonderful nanny in London and a housekeeper in Devon. Otherwise I couldn’t do what I do. What drives me mad – and I won’t name names – is when I read an interview with a high-profile career woman who claims to “do it all”. You read it all the time and you just know it isn’t true.’
The same goes for ordinary non high-profile career women! We may not have nannies or housekeepers but I’m sure a lot of us have trusted babysitters, helpful parents maybe even a cleaner! So don’t pretend to be something you’re not; If you do you’re damaging us all.
9 thoughts on “Doing It All”
Ha! I call bullsh*t on those mothers! Seriously – I get to the school gate after a stressful hour of ‘Where’s your other shoe?’ and ‘Well why didn’t you TELL me you needed £7.50 to take to school today?’, looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge and with remnants of yesterday’s mascara under my eye … and I spot THAT mother. She’s got five kids, she’s on her way to her successful career and I casually consider whether she takes valium or just has a lot of therapy and a considerable amount of wine every night!
Yesterday’s mascara is the only thing that makes me look human on a morning!
Although I have to say I’m happy for women who have it all together, those who are super organised, and do cope well. But my bug bear is the mothers who pretend to be doing it all by themselves. No one person can get 3 or 4 kids ready, tidy up the breakfast stuff (along with the dribbles on the toilet seat!) remember EVERYTHING and do a full days work. I’m convinced it doesn’t happen! And anyway what’s wrong with admitting we all have or at least need a little help?
I love this and we were just discussing this on facebook the other day how we as women should be supporting each other more and not judging and giving looks of discuss like we are better than the next. I say if you see a parent struggling with a naughty child we have ALL been there don’t think your child’s shit don’t stink we have ALL been there and we should support either with a little lightheart joke dont worry you are doing great words of encouragment etc. It’s sad that we knock each other down and judge too much. We are all attempting the same thing to be good parents. Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope you like my blog hop and hope to see you again soon! #sharewithme
Thanks Jenny! I’ll definitely be back! Loving reading the variety of posts on #sharewithme. I just have to work out how to share the badge now so others can use your blog hop! It’s great! Thanks again!
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If you want to the badge its a matter of copying and pasting the code in the box I provide but if you want to share the actual blog hop so people can enter off your site too hun you click the “get the code here” under where you entered your link and it will give you a code to input at the bottom of your post make sure you are in html view mode and paste the code provided and then update your post and you will have the badge and the blog hop. Anymore help just email me and I can help you darling. Blog hops are great to get to know other blogs and bloggers.
I love this post – thank you for being so to the point and honest. I too wish mothers were truthful, those who say they do it all make those (me) who struggle to get the essentials in life done feel a failure sometimes. It’s hard being a parent and I wish people would admit it. The ‘I get a full night sleep every night’ braggers annoy me the most xx
You’re welcome! It’s one of those things that drives me crazy. X
Loved this post! So very true…. I feel that some mums contribute to this pressure of being the “perfect mother”, maybe without even realizing. When reading some posts you get the feeling that there are out there perfect lifestyles, perfect mums, and this helps to create some unrealistic expectations. Its good to read about this reality check! x
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Hi Ann! I’m a firm believer in doing what works for you. There is no perfect way and therefore there are no perfect mothers! Unrealistic expectations lead to some very unhappy mums… Especially first time mums. Thanks for reading! X